For some reason the Jim Rome rant about Texas A&M came up the other night and of course I went and found the transcript. I have to share. As Rome would say, especially about something he said, un-be-liev-ahhh-ble:
“They won’t shut up. They have to go on about spirit, and old army, and red ass, and how bonfire represents the burning sensation they have in their urine to beat UT, and blah blah blah. Shut up. You start to get the feeling the entire school was built to spite UT. Forget the fact that when the Texas Legislature back in the 1870′s passed legislation to start a state university they also decided to have a subsidiary branch of the main school(University of Texas) that would teach agriculture and mechanics. Aggies love to say their school is older, from where they get that I don’t know……the fact is, the State intended A&M to be a branch of UT. They are like the afterbirth from the original creation. Like Danny Devito in “Twins”. So they apparently have this complex, so much so, that they must devote their entire school to trying to prove to UT that they are just as good. All the while, nobody at UT denies that A&M is a good school, yet they won’t shut up. So they write a fight song……about?….Texas , and how they want to beat them. They have a Fish Camp for freshman where they tell them how bad Texas is and how good A&M and all its traditions are.
It is the world’s largest known case of penis envy, and it is manifested in everything A&M does. The people at A&M. Now we all have friends who went to A&M or are at A&M. There are some nice people there. However…there is the Corp. East Texas’ answer to dreams of ROTC kids everywhere. For every boy scout who never learned to stop playing with his GI Joe Toys, there is the Corp. Now, forget the fact that A&M will actually let people with sub-par grades enroll if they agree to join the Corp. Forget the fact that the Corps looked like a Gestapo hate rally while beating down students on Kyle Field in 1995. Forget the fact that along with the numerous hazing charges that have been filed against them, and swept under the rug over the years, they just this past month have had one Corps member bring charges against another Corps member who apparently had been propositioning others for a little actual sodomy. Not only could I go on with more instances of idiocracy by these Khaki-clad-shaven-headed-dorks, I am sure each of you have your own stories.
The point is: We all respect West Point, Annapolis, The Air Force Academy; however, nobody respects the Corp. I imagine they are kind of the laughing stock of the military world. Just because you dress like the Army, and try and act like the Army, does not make you the Army. People at A&M don’t even respect these clowns. It is not cool to shave your head and dress up. Halloween is only supposed to be one day of the year. If you want to carry guns and beat up civilians, move to Israel. It is even less cool to slobber on somebody’s daughter on national television and call it a tradition. Dry humping 18 year old girls in the stands at football games is not cool. Not only is it not cool, it should be against the law. I know that in College Station, students are just prone to mount each other on the campus lawn, or in the middle of class, or anytime anything good happens you can just grab the girl sitting next to you and start sucking on her face. But everywhere else in the world, it is looked down upon. Especially if you are doing it on my TV. That is why we have moved the game from Thanksgiving. Because people across the nation were gagging on their turkey when in the middle of watching a football game, some boy scout is tongue thrashing some overweight co-ed during somebody’s Thanksgiving dinner. We do not need to see burly women engaged in a suckfest every time your woeful offense manages to put points on the board. Some of these girls are in desperate need of a trip to the Clinique counter. Screw that, forget make-up, it is too late for that, just give them a veil.
“t.u.” is not funny. It is NOT insulting. It is dumb. Just imagine if folks from Texas kept talking about M&A and giggling. That would not be funny. In fact, it would be retarded. That’s why UT fans don’t do it. Please learn. You want to lose the image of country bumpkins, of a people fond of sheep, of people that aren’t stupid? Then quit building things that fall down. Quit chasing cheerleaders around with swords on national TV. Quit whooping in church. Quit whooping period. Quit putting up scoreboards for the enjoyment of dead mammals. Quit spending your Friday nights practicing how to yell. Quit telling rape jokes to reporters when you’re running for Governor. When you are filling out season ticket renewals, and the form asks for your phone #, H & W, quit putting 258-3999, Height 6’3″, Weight 185. Just, collectively, stop making asses of yourselves.
Go to East Texas, tour every small town, and ask every red neck with a 5th grade education why they cheer for A&M and wear maroon. That is your fan base. This is why you are perceived by the educated masses as stupid. Nobody cares if you think your band is better. They might be louder, they might march in neat little zig zags, but they have no musical ability. The point is, nobody cares who wins halftime. Quit getting geeked up about marching bands. I find it hard to believe you stood through your high school band’s entire halftime performance. And why? Cause nobody cared then and nobody cares now. Plus, you can hear them fine sitting down even if you do care. Why is it cool all of a sudden now that you’re in college? Men should never let out high pitched whooping sounds. Perhaps the only justifiable situation in which this can be tolerated is perhaps during an anal probe. Oh wait…I understand now.
Dogs are not ladies. They don’t look or smell like ladies. Dogs eat their own feces and should be treated accordingly.
Finally, College Station is an arm-pit of a town. Quit pretending that it is a great college town. It is a town and there is a college there. That should be the end of this comparison. If you feel that life doesn’t get any better than the Dixie Chicken, and enjoy being stuck in a never ending “Dukes of Hazard” episode, then move there. More importantly, don’t move to Austin…..they are trying to create an educated, technological, and open minded population base. Austin is, and will continue to be, the birthplace and final resting place of all that is cool.
As my friend Stephen Johnson once said: “If the world were ever to get an enema, College Station is where you would connect the hose.” If you go to school at A&M, please don’t be an Aggie.
15 responses so far ↓
Eric Harris // September 1, 2009 at 2:52 pm
You sound like you are the most envious of all! If you hate Aggies so much, why would you write an article to begin with; one that is mostly inacurate to the facts. You embarrassed yourself………
mattceni // September 2, 2009 at 9:25 pm
Dude. Did you read the post? I didn’t write it. I didn’t state the facts. It’s a Jim Rome transcript that I re-posted. And I’m embarrassing myself?
Silly Aggies. And I quote: “You start to get the feeling the entire school was built to spite UT.”
Thanks for writing. Should be a fun season. You know it’s football season in Texas when the trash talk starts. All the best this year to you guys.
S Siv. // September 11, 2009 at 1:51 pm
that didn’t even come from Jim Rome. It was an email back and forth between my brother and his friend. The Jim Rome credit has been incorrect for almost 10 years now.
mattceni // September 11, 2009 at 2:29 pm
is that like cliff cobb from curb being the inventor of the cobb salad or richard lewis coining the term the … “from hell” ?
S. Siv // September 11, 2009 at 3:02 pm
Call the phone number and you’ll reach the parents of our friend, Jeff. Yeah, it’s a local Aystin, Texas number too. You forgot to throw in “that’s like Dr. Evil inventing the question mark.”
Biggity // September 11, 2009 at 6:58 pm
Yes, this article should be considered envious of the A&M culture. The envy being that ignorance, anger, dressup for an army that doesn’t exist, and a misled since of childhood perception gets to be considered a “college experience.”
Get a life Longhorn calves.
greg casey // October 7, 2009 at 10:21 am
rome…..YOU SUCK!!!
Jenny Howell Class of '97 // November 23, 2009 at 12:26 pm
The thing about Texas fans is that most of them never went to school at UT (or tu, as we call it). How can you love a school so much that you never stepped foot on? When I was hunting for colleges, I visited both campuses and went to a few classes at both. Not one person said hi to me at UT, not one person gave a crap that I was on their campus. A&M was the opposite. In all our stupid traditions and overly friendly culture, Aggies take care of each other and stick together no matter what. That is something you won’t find at UT. That is something many people are jealous of and will never have because they are so busy making fun of us.
L.C. // December 6, 2009 at 1:51 pm
I am an Aggie and damn proud of it. I absolutely hated this rant regardless of where it came from. But the one thing that sickens me the most is the fact that this guy thought it was ok to make fun of bonfire! No one is laughing about 12 members of the Aggie family DYING, you narcissistic idiot!! When bonfire collapsed, that was a tragedy! Not a joke! Bashing our team and our traditions, while terribly unclassy, is tolerable, but that is the most disrespectful thing anyone can do is make fun of a very tragic ACCIDENT where TWELVE PEOPLE DIED!!!!!!!! Dumbass!
Thank You // January 24, 2010 at 6:49 pm
To every aggie who commented here, thank you. You have proven this article to be completely true….and I am not even from Texas.
UT all the way baby! // February 6, 2010 at 4:53 am
I picked UT not because people weren’t friendly (which is wrong to say), but because of the quality of the education it offered. I picked it because it is very diverse, not only in the people but in the programs offered too. I lived my high school years being all spirited and such. But it was time for me to grow up. I moved to the city because that’s where jobs are at.
And no, we are not envious of Aggies. We don’t even care about the Aggies. The only time we remember the Aggies is when there is a game against them. Other than that, who are you?
If you check out both facebook fan pages, the UT one is full of comments about UT. On the other hand, the majority of the Aggies fan page is about trashing UT (Or TU as you like to call it, which is not funny at all). Piece of advice, grow up!
Baylor Bear 12 // February 23, 2010 at 3:40 am
so i go to Baylor and i hate both UT and TAMU equally actually i hate UT more but this article is completely true.
Aggies- you are not making any good points on your arguments all you are doing is making this article correct. talking about schools having t shirt fans… TAMU and UT are the worst out of everyone. i have come to the conclusion that aggies are just a bunch of dyslexic sheep loving overly spirited traditionalist.
JD // February 26, 2010 at 11:41 am
Is it true that the Corps Cadet uniform pants actually come with zippers in the back for easy access? I read that somewhere…
allaboutTEXAS // March 24, 2010 at 12:08 pm
Okay, so i’m a longhorn, and as much as we hold our tongues and take the high road with all the aggie shit talking, enough is enough. so don’t say that this rant is us being envious because its just us being ANNOYED.
He didnt make fun of the bonfire… obviously any life lost is a tragedy.. duh. we get that.
i hate all the bullshit about a&m (should i say m&a) being friendly. im sorry, do people go to college now in order to make friends? i, personally thought it was for an education. I’m glad it makes you feel validated and important to walk to class and have 57 people say “howdy” to you, but us longhorns dont need that to know that we’re important. Don’t get me wrong, im sure its a happier atmosphere but UT is the real world and in the real world not everybody eats cakes made of smileys and rainbows. aggies need to grow up and worry more about education and opportunities than having people say hi them. also, i feel like a&m is actually one of the most hateful schools, as every year that cram into the freshman’s heads to hate UT. what did we ever do to you? (other than beat you in everything…)
with that being said, im not trying to beat on a&m’s academics. I understand they have many majors that UT doesnt offer. such as flowers and cows. so if you would like to major in flowers or cows, by all means go to a&m. but if you want to be a doctor, engineer, or especially a businness major, what the hell are you doing there?
i absolutely love UT, and have made more friends than i can ever ask for. On top of that, i get to live in an amazing city, have sports teams that actually win, get an even more amazing education, and have endless opportunities when i graduate!
HOOKEM
J. Conner // April 16, 2010 at 3:43 pm
Aggies and Red Raiders take the focus off of how awful UT fans are, so get over yourselves. I have done much research on this. Here is the hierarchy of unbearably obnoxious Big 12 Texas sports fans:
1. Texas A&M – may win worst in the nation. If you disagree and hate that people at UT aren’t nice to you, it’s probably bc you are plastered head-to-toe in maroon and look/act like a complete jackass 24/7. Your traditions are as stupid as everyone else thinks. You are probably brainwashed, and the above article is completely true. No, no one is jealous.
2. Texas Tech – Lubbock is an island and a dirt mound no one cares about, your fans are frightening quasi-Guido retards, and you have a strain of STD named after you dubbed “Raider Rash.” Maybe it’s because your “kickass party school” is in a dry county and populated with dipshits.
3. UT – Only because people in Austin are delusional and think that bc they grew up in Round Rock and went to Ju-Co they can wear burnt orange and talk shit.
3. Baylor – It’s a tie with UT. The same way most UT fans are wannabes, Baylor fans are typically just a bunch of dorks. Lots and lots of dorks. Decent fan support, but mainly just dorks. Also, Waco is a completely miserable town and the administration at BU is a joke.
I know we’re all going to disagree here and everyone will be blinded by bias (I, my parents, grandparents, sister, bro-in-law, aunt went to Baylor), but the bottom line is that it’s great to love your school and have pride, but to be a complete tool about it is just obnoxious and loathsome and every one is sick of it.
Yes, Aggies are as terrible and lame as you have heard or you think they are.
Yes, there are a lot of good people there and some fun to be had.
Yes, College Station sucks, but so do Lubbock and Waco.
Get over yourselves and your stupid ass traditions, Aggies, and kindly fist yourselves.
PS – I don’t think there’s any way Jim Rome said this.